Not a Fighter!

I'm a wuss, a coward and sometimes even a scaredy-cat.
I don't if what I"m saying is actually what I want to describe. But I guess what I"m referring to is how i deal with my relationship with "the boy".

So he decides to tell me, the other day, that he expects to be in school for 4 more years~! I guess I kinda freaked out in my head a little. I just simply did not like that answer. I tell him that I cannot wait for him and kept saying that repeatedly. I mean on my end all these things came into play...ok well mainly... age. I dont want to get married looking tired and run-down, nor do I want to have children when I"m old and have a huge generation gap between me and my kids. That's what happened with me and i had a hard hard time growing up with parents who constantly don't know how to raise a child. When he told me that he wanted to continue school, I was like ok that 's good for you. But secretly I was afraid that it will be too long for me to wait and secretly I thought it was going to be 2 short years.
I hear people tell me that if u love that person it doesn't matter when you are together.

I dont know how to approach my next point, but I don't know if I want to marry this person. I am scared out of my mind when i think about being with him. I am deathly afraid that he will be cruel to me when we are under the same roof one day. I am deathly afraid of having children and me doing everything. I am deathly afraid that he will expect me to do things and for me to naturally rebel against it. And finally, I am deathly afraid that he wont be a good husband, where I can't trust him nor can I rely on him.

So on the flip side, if we were to break up, I'm not 100% sure that I will be able to find someone else. And for that time that I find someone, it may take up to 4 years anyway for things to go serious with the other person. In essence I"m right back to where I started.

Thus, it goes back to my subject to this post. My first instinct is to flee; run; jump ship. I dont want to be in this anymore because of everything that has happened. I don;t have the energy/capacity to keep fighting anymore. I'm scared of the future. I've been want to run for a long time, but i have no where to go and I find myself missing this person a lot. I find myself feeling a sense of loss..a hole. But I honesly dont know if this is love. If it is love, then it is not the love I thought I'd feel. I thought love was companionship, security, and trust.   I don't know if i have those in check. Either that, or I myself is too insecure to realize that it is in check. Maybe I"m the kind of person who needs someone to show me more of that. To have expression and to be serious.
If he's doing this 4 year school thing for the sake of our future, he is sure not expressing that to me. It just seems like he's doing this for himself and his future, but there was no mention of me in it. There are hints, but no concrete statements.

I am still a runner, coward and wuss...

Weddings, weddings and more weddings

Sheesh! EVERYONE is getting married!!!
Its the next wave. I had a bit of a break last year and half, but this year... BOOM. Literally, there is a boom in weddings. Grr...I hate when I feel like this, but I feel like getting married too! I found myself browsing through wedding dresses today. I was so tempted in buying one too! But I had to constantly remind myself that I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED. Sheesh!!! Help me. I mean if that is not bad enough, I even had a counter thought to that. I was thinking that I'll just get it now and if I ever get married I'll have a dress!!! Crazy me~!
Its funny because I'm not ready to be married. I just want to wear the dress and eat good food! I wanna go through the process of picking colour themes, bridesmaids and cake.
But afterwards, I have no interest in. LOL And most of all I don't the attention that a couple receives on that day.
I guess if you look at it closely all I really want is an extreme version of a prom.

~Sigh~

Customer Service

What I don't understand about today's service industry (esp. restaurants) is that they don't care about their customers. Day after day, time after time, I see people of all ages and ethnic backgrounds being rude to the people they serve. Why at this time of recession do people choose the only thing that keeps their customers coming? People don't buy stuff from you because your prices are so high that they feel like they want to empty their wallets on your establishment. They buy cause they have to, and they will choose ones with better service. Well, I do that. If I'm not satisfied with the service I'm receiving, I either leave immediately or just leave less tip. Yes, times are tough and they will get tougher. People like me are out there looking for places that stand out over others. Let this be a lesson to be learned. Everything is going up in prices, so if I am going to go out for a meal, I will choose the ones that show appreciation to their customers. I"m not asking for the royal treatment, but come on, just a decent "thanks" or "hi" or a smile will suffice. Is that too much to ask for?
I was with my significant other earlier today, and he was buying dinner at a Thai Express (I know, not fancy) but the girl at the register just looked at him waiting for his order, when she received it, she punched in the order and held out her hand wiggling her fingers, gesturing for the money. Kinda like the signal for "give it". I was appalled! Then on top of that she over charged him!! That was not a mistake because when he was waiting for his receipt I asked him what he ordered and she heard clearly what he told me and she double checked the receipt, but made no mention that she charged him for shrimp. That BIOTCH knew that she made a mistake and didn't tell him.
Ok, well anyway nonetheless that was only one of many situations that I had negative encounters with poor customer service. I wish store owners would realize the importance of customer service. And to train/hire their employees to draw customers in, and not to push them out the door. I will only go to places that know how to retain their customers via excellent customer service, and have good food. I hope those of you reading this will also be more wise in choosing a place to eat, drink or purchase clothing. For my last example and rant,  I have not supported Forever 21 ever since I had an employee speak to me in a very rude manner about 2 years ago. You all must be thinking, "Ok, what do you expect, they are all considered lower places to eat and shop." But I guess I always think that no matter what you do, whether you are a water specialist or a CEO of a major company, there is always room to treat people with respect and have manners when interacting with them.

Bittersweet

Last day of school = last day of programming.
So my co-worker and I decided that this last week we are going to live it up, in terms of snack for the kids. They always have something to say about snack whether it is positive or negative (mostly negative). Just because it is never what everyone likes, or mostly what everyone doesn't like.
And because so many people will be coming and going for the last week, we just thought hey, just go all out not just for the last day, but for the last week.

For the past 2 days we had of programming, the kids had:
- Grilled cheese sandwiches
- Chicken Fingers
- Mac & Cheese
- Popcorn
- Chips (2 flavours)
- Yogurt
- Graham Crackers
- Marshmallows
- Freezies
-  Juice
Plus a movie today~!

Man did I miss anything? I mean I think even in the last two weeks there were some really great buffet style snacks that were worthy of being called dinner!
Although some kids may not fully appreciate the extent of how fortunate and rich they are when it comes to having all this food, I personally was very happy being able to provide it for them. Hopefully they will appreciate it some day.

Love those kids.

Lovin' the Lee's

Lee Min Ho. Seriously I cannot get enough of this hot man! I have never seen an Asian celeb that is so good-looking! You can't see it in these pics, but he has a beautiful smile, equipped with a pair of dimples to die for~!

 He is another one whom I think is handsome! :) And same last name~! :)
You know what else is similar ~? They are born in the same year!

Eh, I know this is a weird high school crush kinda blog, but I just wanna write this blog out to express my love for both these hotties. One of whom is all mine to have and hold. The other one is totally unattainable and for the sole purpose of fantasies!                                                                              

Strange Dream

I had the strangest dream this morning.
It was a movie-like romance with an underlying theme of religion.
How strange and detailed. 
From what I remember the movie started with two children (boy & girl). My perspective was through the girl's eyes. She found herself on the streetcar heading to a destination, but she missed her stop because everyone who was getting off did not ring the bell. She she missed it and for some reason the street car encountered many detours because of construction. Oh BTW this was set in downtown Toronto. So she arrived to a place where she was familiar and decided to get off there. She stood waiting to exit in the front doors of the streetcar and there she saw a family with a boy who was older than her talking about Jesus. "Jesus is coming soon and know where he is going to arrive at and when", he said. She listened, but disagreed. So she spoke up and said, "No one knows the exact time or place that Jesus will come." With that comment said the boy and his parents looked at her with astonishment and a bit of anger.
The scene ends and opens with this little girl sitting on a pew with the boy and his family. This part was a blur. So something happened to the girl, as if she spoke out during the service and the family was very angry and pushed her away, or told her to leave the church.


Now she is older and she was waiting at the streetcar stop. This area looked a lot like Dundas & Bathurst in front of the Scadding Court Community Centre. So she is waiting for her streetcar and out of the corner of her eyes she sees this man trying to speak to people about his religion. She could not make out what he says but he was selling booklets to people for $2. It dawned on her that it was the same boy she met so long ago. She goes up to him and speaks to him. She was the only one who decides to buy one from him. She took this opportunity to speak to him what she knows about religion.


Next scene I take the perspective of the audience and sees them walking hand in hand into what turns out to be a radio station. There is where the boy tells the story of transformation and love. The two characters end up being married and the boy is shown a new light into the truth.




This dream felt so real. I woke up and thought this would be a good movie to be made. But perhaps it was already written.

My Craving!

FROZEN YOGURT!!!!
I just can't get enough of Mon berri!!
http://www.monberri.com/index.php

I have never had such an awesome frozen yogurt. I mean many places have come close and somewhat hit the awesome button for my palate. But the yogurt at this place surpasses everything in the "ice cream" category! Can I say (WOW)x10000000000?
If any one of you get the chance, you gotta stop by mon berri! I can't get enough of this place. For one thing, I crave ice creams all the time in this weather. And I always crave that when I'm working. So I think..where can I get great ice cream that just satisfies? I come up empty and cannot bring myself into buying anything because the only thing that I can think of putting in my system is Mon berri.

I'm a little embarrassed because I think the person who runs it, or the owner, knows me. LOL Sometimes I like to network with people and owners of an establishment, but for some reason, I didn't want to for this place. Perhaps, I see this place as my guilty pleasure, or that I feel like a pig when I"m seen there so often. I don't know exactly.

What I do know is that I don't know what to do if this place closes down. Its in a relatively dull location. Even though it looks like a high traffic place, not too many people hang out or seemingly go there.

Truly a diamond in the ruff indeed!!!

OK so an update on a negative part of this place.  I went by on a random afternoon and to my disappointment they were not opened!! I went by at around 1:30 but the sign says that they were suppose to be opened at 12 noon! *sigh*
That's not a good way to do business.