Life

I"m a thinker. I always enjoy being alone and engaging in deep thoughts. Sometimes if I don't have that alone time, I use my shower as a place of contemplation.
Recently, I've been really thinking to myself, how did I get to this point in my life? I mean, never in my childhood would I imagine myself here at this point. I don't know if society's the one to blame, but I've always thought that I'd be married by now. By now, I am suppose to have a stable job in which I've been working for years and even possibly have had a child or two. I guess all those "milestones" that I feel one should hit by a certain time, I have not. I feel like a failure. I feel like my whole adult life, things are so unstable. "I don't have a strong, stable income, therefore no funding for marriage. I don't have income, so therefore, can't afford to raise children." The future looks dim folks. With no sign of things looking up.

The more I think, the more I realize that perhaps I really can't be more successful than my parents. They immigrated to Canada a good 30+ years ago. They worked so hard to say that now, they are proud, mortgage-free owners of a home. I think as a Canadian citizen, at this rate of income, I won't be able to say that about myself.

Life and people are very interesting because for some, they would take this situation, turn it around,  and simply make things work or get through it. I'm the opposite. I'm at a standstill. I see so many obstacles and all I can do is struggle with them, instead of find ways to overcome them.

My immediate stressor right now is summer employment. Last year, for summer I was basically unemployed for 2 months. I tried to get a job but not hard enough. I relied on the wrong people for hours and ended up shafted and shut out. It was a tough 2 months. This year it seems like I"m falling into the same cycle and I'm desperately trying to find a solution.

For those who are reading this, I need some encouragement!!