That saying along with the one about life handing you a
lemon and then you are suppose to make lemonade; none of which I fully
understood.
I never understood how life can throw you a curve ball and
what to do afterwards. And lemons...when faced with a lemon would I, could I,
really make lemonade?
Unwillingly, I have to admit that I'm a person that relies
on other people. I don't know where I learned this habit or culture from, but I
rely on other's for approval. Not just anyone, but people in which I respect
and I feel have great judgment. Having said that, I know that judgment is subject
to one's own perception. Nonetheless, I feel that l have been thrown a few
lemons/curveball and having them in my hands, I really don't know what to do
with it. I don't know how to make lemonade. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and
have been for many years, and I don't know how to get out.
I have been watching the TV show "The Walking Dead".
It is about the world being overrun by zombies. A small group of survivors have
found each other and are now travelling with each other to find refuge with the
living, or what's left of the living society they once knew. I often think of
myself in that situation. A situation where the world that I know has turned
upside down and I have to rely on my own will to survive. As well as, if I have
a family, I would have to have enough strength and will to survive for them as
well. What if there was a massive
earthquake in the city or a massive Tsunami that engulfs the downtown core,
what would I do? I cannot rely on anyone. There is absolutely no one around...I
dont drive and the family has no car, how can I leave the city? Subway? No way!
Walking? No way! Running away to higher ground? Not a chance. Would I chose to
give up on life? Or keep running?
Unfortunately, I think I'll be the first to give up. To
surrender; cop out and just saying to myself and others around me, "Ok, I
can't keep running so I'm done". I mean my track record isn't so hot. I
seem to be discouraged easily in relation to life and career advancement. I'm
easily swayed by people who are not supportive and the result is I usually run
away from those people. I think most personalities I've encountered are those
that strive to prove others wrong. I believe that is the better way to go about
challenges. To prove to others that, "You know what? I CAN do it. No
matter what you perceive of me, I'll prove YOU wrong." My personality is
often that when I sense someone trying to pressure me or accuse me of not putting
my 100%, in which I've been busting my
butt, I tend to give up. I'll lose interest in the task and I just go find
something else.
So, I'm left standing there, having been presented with
lemons and looking at them as if I've never seen such things before. How do I
make lemonade? How can I continuously make lemonade?
At 32, I have no answer at this point.
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